Recent am avut curiozitatea de a verifica traficul pe blogul asta. Iete domnule surpriza, m-a gasit lumea cu ajutorul lui Google! Mai jos insirate, cuvintele de cautare au fost…

“unde se da sa faca id”

Amu… io i-as rapunde omului ca in Active Directory. Dar mi-e teama ca ma va intreba apoi daca se gaseste pe Torrent de downloadat in limba romana.

I do not know how many of you have read the Gervais Working Rules. One of the rules I didn’t pay attention until now was about sighing loud from time to time.

Sigh: to let out one’s breath audibly, as from sorrow, weariness, or relief.

If you want to get attention upon your hard work, it’s mandatory to sigh out loud in the open space. That can only mean you have so much work to do, you are so extremely busy, you have so many problems to solve…you name it. Recently I discovered that this sighing is a new fashion I have to bare. Ways to express a sigh: “uf uf”; “bůžek bůžek”; “uuuuuuuu-phiiiu”.

Mine might be a little bit sophisticated, I guess. It also implies some karate moves. I take a loud deep breath while saying “Beauty in”- karate move showing how I kidnap Beauty and store it in my body. When I breathe out loud I mention “Ugliness out” – karate move showing something like liberating some little devil out of me. The difference between me and my colleagues is that I don’t do this sighing stuff 5-10 times per hour.

Daca te pui la mintea femeilor care scriu articole pe Kudika.ro (site dedicat in exclusivitate sexului slab….de minte) ai 90% sanse ca, daca le urmezi sfaturile cu religiozitate, sa ramai singura.

http://www.kudika.ro/articol/relatii/4399/Ce-isi-doresc-femeile.html

Ce isi doresc femeile? –(articol comentat de Alexutzova)

• “dorim ca el sa ne inteleaga, sa ne asculte, sa ne accepte toanele, si sa stie ca SPM( Sindromul Premenstrual) chiar exista”. Fetelor, fiti sincere, chiar daca nu exista PMS, aveti voi grija sa il inventati de 3 ori pe luna in urmatoareale forme: premenstrual, curent si postmenstrual.

• “Sa ne rasfete,sa ne tina in brate, sa ne arate ca ii pasa. Sa aprecieze ca incercam sa gatim si sa spele vasele dupa.”  Blablabala… mai exact? Ce inseamna “a rasfata” si ce inseamna “a arata ca ii pasa”? Si “mai exact” nu inseamna sa scoateti cate o teza de doctorat de sute de pagini si fara esenta.

• “Sa ne spuna ca ni s-a stricat machiajul, sa ne sarute de ” Buna dimineata”, sa se joace in parul nostru, sa ne dea la o parte suvita ascultatoare care ne intra in ochi.”. =)) =)) =)) …. Hahahaha… Asta cu machiajul e tare: 1) astia habar nu au cum trebuie sa arate un machiaj perfect (asa ca daca tie iti curge rimelul, fii sigura ca ei se gandesc ca e o noua tendinta moderna in arta machiajului); 2) o mare parte din prietenii mei prefera ca partenera lor sa NU poarte tencuiala pe fata. La partea cu sarutul dupa ce v-ati rujat… va doresc bafta multa.

• “Sa ne faca sa radem, sa se joace cu noi, sa se puna la mintea noastra de copil, sa se plimbe cu noi in parc chiar daca este obosit dupa o zi groaznica la munca, sa stam cu capul pe genunchii lui, sa mergem fara motiv, fara sa stim unde, sa vorbim ore in sir fara sa ne dam seama cum a trecut timpul!”.  Bine, bine… frumos, poetic… DAR LA CE VARSTA???? NU prea se impaca “dupa o zi de munca” cu adolescenta.

• “Sa ne surpinda fara motiv, pur si simplu pentru ca suntem noi, sa puna melodia noastra si sa ne invite la dans, sa nu uite de ziua sau de aniversarea noastra, sa ne aduca flori fara vreun motiv anume.” =)) =)) Pur si simplu nu aveti buton de stop, nu-i asa? Cand incepeti sa vorbiti (aiurea) nu va mai opriti. Eu una “v-as surprinde fara motiv” speriindu-va de moarte de dupa coltul blocului. Cand veti invata oare sa va exprimati dorintele CLAR? “A nu uita de aniversarea voastra”- asta nu spune absolut nimic. Nici eu nu uit de aniversarile fostilor prieteni, dar asta nu inseamna ca ii serbez sau ii sun. Duhhhh….

• “Sa fie dur dar sa stie cand sa fie si dulce, sa ne dea haina lui cand ploua, sa se bucure pentru noi chiar daca echipa lui favorita de fotbal ia bataie. “. Fetelor, daca voi plecati de acasa dezbracate, ce vina au bietii baieti sa va poarte de grija sa nu raciti? Si daca voi tineti cu Rapid, iar el cu Steaua… de ce sa se bucure ca a castigat Rapidul?

• “Sa inteleaga ca dupa o zi obositoare la birou vrem DOAR un masaj relaxant.” Da, da, da.. sigur ca DOAR masaj… dar pe dinauntru :D.  Stiintific demonstrat, e cel mai bun remediu impotriva stresului si a oboselii, relaxeaza excelent.

• “Ne dorim ca raspunsul la intrebarea: “Sunt grasa?” sa fie intodeauna NU.”  Nici o problema, data viitoare cand va veti uita in oglinda si veti intreba asa ceva, cu siguranta ca va raspunde “Draga mea, vederea este excelenta”.

• “Cand va intrebam : “Ne vedem?” si spuneti da, sa nu sunati inapoi ca v-ati amintit ca sunteti obositi si ca azi e si meci. ” Balarii… cum ramane  atunci cu cititul printre randuri, cu intuitia voastra feminina? Oricum, daca vreti DOAR masaj… e de inteles de ce barbatii prefera meciul de fotbal.

• “Sa fim primele pe care le suna cand s-a intamplat ceva.” Nu mai aveti subiecte de barfa, fetelor si vreti sa fiti primele informate?

• “Cand zic : ” Te sun inapoi” , sa sune. “. Si de obicei chiar suna inapoi. Dar nu imediat in urmatoarele 3-5 secunde

• “Sa inteleaga ca terapia prin cumaparaturi chiar ajuta. Si toate lucrurile pe care le cumparam ne folosesc. Altfel de ce le-am mai cumpara? Si timpul la cumaparaturi nu e timp pierdut! E timp investit in imaginea si aspectul nostru. In fond, pentru voi vrem sa aratam bine” . Da, intr-adevar, numai eu am vreo 3-4-5-6…-10 feluri de demanchiante acasa; desigur, toate imi folosesc… in urmatori 3 ani!  Si daca timpul la cumparaturi e “timp investit in imagine si in aspect”, cum dreaq se face ca in fiecare saptamana ma pling ca nu am cu ce ma imbraca? Sau ca, desi mi-am cumparat o fusta traznet, tot in vechii pantaloni ma imbrac deoarece nu sunt epilata?

“Si cel mai important:
Sa ne iubeasca pentru ca suntem noi, indiferent ca suntem blonde, brunete sau roscate, ca stim sa fim acolo pentru el, ca stie ca se poate baza pe noi, pentru ca noi reprezentam furtuna din viata lui dar si linistea dupa, sa ne iubeasca pentru ca ii iubim, si pentru ca….noi facem cele mai mari datorii.” Daca ne comparam  cu furtuna de pe mare, atunci nu suntem indreptatite sa ne suparam cand el se comporta ca un marinar.

What’s the worst thing that inevitably happens to every married man every once in a while? He has to join the spouse while she is shopping. (Just lovely, isn’t it? You may never know if it comes as a revenge or not).

Here is how I managed to drag Manzel in more than 10 shoe stores:

Step 1: I defined my issues as “I would like some summer shoes for the office” (Please notice this girlish way of thinking. WOULD LIKE means “I’m not sure if I really want it; maybe it’s the shoes I want, maybe not. Anyway, I want a change”. SOME SHOES means- “new shoes, but no idea about details like shape, color, etc:)

Step 2: I managed to break the shoes that I bought last summer.

Step 3: I asked Manzel to repair the shoe with some glue: “Honey, I’m a girl and I do not know if this can be fixed. But if you take some glue, put it there like this and keep it like this, hold it for about 3 minutes, [blablabla-bla] than problem is solved. Oh, I wished I knew how to fix it by myself, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking you”

Step 4: After hearing all my non-senses about repairing shoes, it just didn’t matter if I could be right or not. So Manzel declared “Oh, crap, please buy some other shoes”

Step 5: Arguing time. With a whining voice, I started to argue that those shoes were special shoes (for all kinds of silly arguments, please use your imagination. When out of resources, you can pretend to cry while saying “and you think I’m just silly and all these are fake arguments”). The q.e.d of my performance was “So, please tell me where am I gonna find some other shoes?”

Step 6: When you ask questions, men usually answer. For them, the idea of rhetoric questions is just silly: If you don’t expect answers, why the hell are you asking questions?

In my case, he had to answer my question “where am I gonna find some other shoes?”.

Step 7: He joins me.

Step 8: Efficiency. Let’s go back to step #5. While arguing, I carefully mentioned to him “my shoes should have this color; I need high heels having this shape; the shape of the shoe should be like this… etc”. (In fact, I just delegate the problem. If they have a target in mind, joining spouse for shopping is less painful).

Step 9: Final results. Instead of spending 1 hour in one store, we spend 40 minutes in about 10 stores. He was looking for some product that would meet all my requirements, meanwhile I was screening everything and doing some fashion overview.

Step 10: If I’d like some second other new shoes in this summer, I should make up my mind in the next following days. I can just say I don’t feel comfortable wearing these ones.

While offline, Manzel received a link from his friend. One line, one link: nothing more. It’s called perfect communication between IT guys. (Example of communication between two girls: “Darling, would you please check out this link below?! It’s absolutely great!”)

Once you follow the link, you see some pictures with a new born child. Child is wearing pampers, so there is no easy way to determine if it’s a boy or a girl. If I were to say judging after child’s face, I would say it’s an unisex kid (I’m perfectly aware of the fact that I will be virtually killed in the most mysterious ways the minute his parents get to read about this unisex stuff)

What do IT guys do when it’s such an event in their family? They take pictures, man, THEY TAKE PICTURES!!!!!!!!! Lots!!! And they immediately put them on internet. They do not care about sharing important details such as :
– Sex of their child
– Have they chosen a name yet?
– Date of birth is…?

If you really want to know all these details, here is what you need to do: save the only picture where you can see a tag on the baby’s leg. Zoom in. Could it be there on the tag: sex, name and date of birth? Case you’re not successful during your Sherlock Homes actions, ask for more pictures.

Whenever there’s something new in IT, by default they have to try it.
I knew it and I thought I could live with it.

Since Bill invented Vista:
Day 1: My admin googled to see how Vista Beta behaved to other IT guys
Day 2: “It’s too soon to tell, I’ll wait a little bit more to see the bugs”
Day 3: New computer
Day 4: Sysadmin is sending flowers to his wife (he is paying taxes for having a new server)
Day 5: Installing Vista
Day 6: Installing XP back – he thinks Vista has too many little useless things for desktop use (watch, calendar,… all these eating up resources)
Day 9: Installing Vista
Day 10: Installing back XP because his Creative 5.1 doesn’t make enough “quality” noise if the OS is Vista
…
Day….: Installing Vista
Day…: Installing XP
…

In today’s menu we have Vista. I wonder for how long.

For about 1 year I live in CZ. It’s not my home country and I haven’t got used to the local language (yet). When somebody is speaking Czech (to me), I’m trying to understand some basic words from my limited Czech vocabulary; as soon as I identify any sound that I think it might be a Czech word, I just make up the meaning of what the other person is trying to say (note: body language helps a lot).

With IT guys is basically the same.

Tip1: learn some basic words in order to send them your message.

Tip2: don’t worry if you do not understand wtf they are trying to tell you. Usually, their logic has no meaning for us (so don’t bother.)

Ticket. Ex.: instead of “honey, will you please take out the trash?” , simply say “there’s a severity one ticket assigned to you, due this evening. ”

On call. You can replace “honey, will you watch the kids this evening?” with “You are on call in children’s room”

Reboot. As in “we need to talk about this, please pay some attention to me”

Install updates. As in “How are you/ how have you been doing?”

Shut down. As in “no partner for discussion”

Log of. As in “honey, am I talking to myself?” (did you log off?)

You can also try File, Edit, View, Format, Tools, F1 (never use the word “help”)…if it’s there on a toolbar menu, you can definitely use it.

It’s not that any outsider could ever understand these IT guys. But a personal blog has been proved as a very good way to communicate with your sysadmin. Why take the foolish chance to discuss face to face? No, no, no… face to face discussion never gets great results. You have to do it… REMOTELY!!!